The stalk cracked loudly as thousands attempted to flee the city within the mushroom's cap. The microbial people of Shurom City screamed as their home was ravaged by some unknown force. One or two heroic types stayed until last, ushering as many as possible out of the city before fleeing on membranous wings themselves.
On the ground, nearly every refugee of the once-proud city of Shurom looked back in terror and anguish as the city finally fell. Tears flowed freely as the diminutive people began searching for somewhere safe to hide, knowing that nobody in the wide world would ever know of their plight.
This piece of "flash fiction" was inspired by Madison Woods, a link to the inspiration can be found here, if you copy-and-paste it into your browser:
http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers-17/
Great beginning to your Flash Fiction on Fridays! A truly imaginative take on the prompt. I happen to be a pesky editor type, so I am going to point out that as this is a serious piece on the collapse of the kingdom of Shurom, that you should not refer to our heroes and "heroic types", Perhaps "A few or our heroes stayed until last" would be more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteAnd your last sentence, perhaps should read "no one in this great world" which gives a more heroic spin to your ending.
But, I am a pest.
Lindaura
That was supposed to be 'should not refer to our heroes AS "heroic types".
DeleteI am actually a lousy editor!
Thanks for the advice, this is always a learning experience! I can use your input for the future, it will surely help me.
DeleteWelcome to the Fictioneers, Gary! I love your story - so creative and fanciful. I've always been attracted to miniature worlds, both real and imaginary. I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:
http://jansthoughtsovercoffee.blogspot.com/2012/02/flashfriday-fridayfictioneers-lovers.html
Thank you very much, for both the welcome and the comment. Very much appreciated.
DeleteI enjoyed your story Gary and welcome to Friday Fictioneers.
ReplyDeleteI loved the image of the mushroom's cap hosting a whole city. Some great imagery here.
Here's mine:
http://mjshorts.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/is-this-the-end-100-word-story-for-friday-fictioneers/
Thank you, I'm grateful for the comment and glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteWelcome Gary, and what an opening salve! I enjoyed your story and the idea of the miniature world in the mushroom head. Maybe you are the missing hero of my story, which you can read here:
ReplyDeletehttp://wp.me/p1PeVl-3s
I too am an editor type, and if I could change anything I'd take out one or two of the "small" adjectives - these people live in a mushroom head, so we know they are small without you needing to describe them as diminutive and microbial. But that's a tiny thing (see what I did there?!) and it didn't ruin the story at all. In fact, I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Thank you for the creative criticism, any and all comments are appreciated for an amateur writer like myself. I can take this and apply it to my novel, too.
DeleteI'm glad you enjoyed it too.
Good start, and welcome to our group. This little piece crackles with energy, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteMy story's at http://furiousfictions.com.
I've also posted Cheryl Anne Gardner's new story here: http://furiousfictions.blogspot.com/2012/02/corpus-safari-cheryl-anne-gardner.html
Thank you very much! I do hope to continue with the Friday Fictioneers stories.
DeleteWelcome to the fictioneers! This was a great piece...it's funny to me, that we as humans, assume we are the only ones on earth who matter. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete~Susan (Here's mine! http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Thanks for the welcome!
DeleteI must admit that the thought of such a massive event meaning almost nothing to the wider world was something that I added in the spur of the moment. I'm glad it worked!
Fun story, Gary. I really liked the setting. Reminded me of when the tree came down in Avatar. Well done. And the rest of the world will never know.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Friday Fictioneers
The Avatar connection wasn't totally intentional but I think it was in the back of my mind when I started writing. I'm glad that it can be compared to something of that scale!
DeleteI've always been fascinated with the worlds around us that no one else notices - both the micro and macrocosms we are entwined with. Thanks for an unusual take on the prompt, I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThank you! And thank you for the idea in the first place, without which this piece would never have been written.
DeleteEnjoyed your story about the teeny-tiny city of Schrum (great take on the word mushroom)! I loved Horton saving the Who's in Whoville------after all, "a person's a person no matter how small." :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, I really enjoyed writing it. It's very different to anything else I've written.
DeleteNice "worlds within worlds" perspective and a good reminder that all living things are connected.
ReplyDeleteMy little ditty: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
Thank you for the comments, I'm glad the idea paid off.
DeleteWelcome to Madison's Friday Fictioneers. I love your brave, little people. I would love a backstory to know how they lived prior to the disaster. I see a Disney movie here. I'm also a newby. Here's my #2 story. www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's a very positive comment and very much appreciated.
DeleteI may very well return to the setting at some point, it was fun writing it and I'd love to spend more time there.
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteWelcome aboard. i loved the name of the city. Fantastic take on the prompt. Shurom rolls off the tongue perfectly. ell done.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/dragonfly/
Thank you for the welcome, the comments and the praise of the city's title - something I hadn't expected when writing it.
Delete